Figures of Speech
by sinemoras09
Summary: The trials of being Veena's exemplar. Gen. Background unrequited kazubisha. No spoilers.


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1.

"So, Kazuma," Veena begins. "It seems that we need to duel Takemikazuchi."

"Fair enough," Kazuma says. "Which weapon will you be taking with us? Kinuha? Yugiha?"

"Actually, it'll just be the two of us versus Takemikazuchi and Kiun."

Kazuma pauses. "Very well," Kazuma says. "Kiun's lightning can easily be mitigated with a well-placed spell-"

"No incantations," Veena says. "Just hand-to-hand combat only."

Kazuma thinks for a moment, then nods. "Not a problem," Kazuma says. "I'll remain in my chouki form while you rush him and break through his defenses, that way I can plot a course you can follow to breach his perimeter. When you get near him, switch me to my human form. I'll draw lines to defend and strike."

"Actually, we agreed to vessel forms only," Veena says.

Kazuma blinks. "...Eh?"

"He was insulting you." Veena sticks her chin out, defiantly. "' _Your Kazuma may have bested my Kiun, but that was because you had another weapon with him._ ' And, ' _Your Kazuma may have negated his lightning, but that was because he used an incantation._ '"

"Um, Veena-"

"' _Stupid costume jewelry. Glorified GPS.'_ "

"Uh-"

"' _Is he going to sing a little song or stab me with the pointy part of his earring? My phone can do more than that Kazuma can do!_ '"

"Okay, okay, I get it," Kazuma says. Veena seethes. "Well, by the very fact that he put all those limitations on me, you know he has already acknowledged our superiority. If he wants a fair fight, so be it. But as of now, he's making me fight Kiun at a handicap."

Veena puts her hands on her hips.

"Actually, it was my idea," Veena says.

"HUH?"

Veena scratches her head. "Well, that, and the Yatogami offered to duel the winner. So after we best Takemikazuchi, we will face Yato and young Yukine as well."

Kazuma stares at her. "Yukine is a weapon," Kazuma says.

"I know," Veena says.

Kazuma stares harder. "Yukine is two swords."

"And Kiun is a lightning dragon, yes, Kazuma, I am well aware of their vessel forms."

"I'm not armor," Kazuma says. "I'm not a shield, I can't protect you."

"Kazuma-"

"And do you realize, Veena, how difficult it will be, fighting Yato without a weapon? The most we can hope for is to disarm him."

"I seem to recall Ebisu's last incarnation fighting the Yatogami just fine," Veena says. Her brow furrows.

"I wonder how you'd do fighting against his Kunimi?"

"Veena!"

"Well apparently his combat skills are on par with that of the gods. Although I suppose you would just use a spell to bind him-"

Kazuma groans.

"And that's besides the point, Kazuma, two other war gods were belittling your master! You should be ready and willing to prove your worthiness, not acquiescing to their abuse."

Kazuma frowns. "Well how exactly are you going to use me as a weapon, then? It isn't as if you can throw me-" He sees Veena's eyes light up. "No."

"Yes," Veena says.

"No, Veena. I am not a dart, I refuse-"

"I can throw you and you can cut through their defenses!"

"You realize this reeks of desperation, correct?" Kazuma says. Veena grins.

"Show me your dominance, my blessing. I will always have faith in you."

(In the end, Kazuma shows his dominance by talking to Ebisu and bribing lady Kofuku.)

xXx

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2.

There is a pain scale from 1 to 10.

It is a simple tool found in most health clinics and doctor's offices: a series of smiley-to-frowny faces, a happy smiling face at "1" for "no pain," to a crying frowning face at "10," or "great deal of pain." Kazuma also uses this tool to teach Veena.

"On a scale of one to ten, how annoyed do you think that gentleman looks?" Kazuma says. They are spying on the humans again. It has become a ritual of their little walks - most people watch birds or gaze at the stars, but Kazuma leads Veena around the city and points out various people in varying degrees of emotional unrest.

The gentleman Kazuma is pointing to is sitting alone at a cafe, checking his watch and scrolling on his phone. At first glance, Kazuma can read the situation perfectly: the person for whom he is waiting is late, and Kazuma can see the man's frustration tugging along the corners of his mouth.

"Hm," Veena says, and she holds her chin, thoughtfully. "Two?"

"That's all?"

"He doesn't seem that annoyed to me," Veena says. Kazuma takes her by the elbow and walks her around the table.

"Notice how often he's checking the time," Kazuma says. As if on cue, the human in front of them glances at his phone and huffs, irritated. Veena frowns.

She is getting better with her shinki, at least. She can tell when their smiles are fake, but mostly because she can feel their turmoil within their connection.

"You know, you should give your master more credit, Kazuma. I can tell what you're feeling most times as well," Veena says. "For instance, the other night when you locked yourself in your room-"

"Uh-"

"-it was because you wanted privacy, correct?"

"A locked door usually carries that connotation," Kazuma says.

"And let's see, you were doing something you didn't want me to see..."

"Wha- Veena can we not-"

"Ten!" Veena says. Kazuma blinks.

"What?"

"You are a ten," she says, triumphantly. "Embarrassed. Kazuma you are turning red."

"I didn't realize you would use this exercise as a means of making fun of me," Kazuma says, sourly.

xXx

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3.

One of the hardest things about being Veena's exemplar was trying to wrangle her through the administrative aspects of her godship. Veena was more of a Big Picture person, she didn't want to be tied up in the niggling details that went into the wheeling and dealing of backroom politicking.

And so it was that Kazuma spent an inordinate amount of time dragging Veena to various meetings, signing her up for several action committees, and tirelessly reminding her that in order to spread her influence, she had to take part in at least some of heaven's over-arching activities. "Must we?" Veena had asked, when Kazuma patiently reminded her that she has skipped four meetings already and that her membership was in danger of being placed in suspension. "Can we not just pay the fines?"

"Veena. Despite the fact that it is feckless and highly irresponsible to miss any more of heaven's meetings, I must remind you that attendance is one way to spread your name." Kazuma tapped his papers on the desk, pointedly. "You are a powerful and very influential god. It is only natural you would take a seat at the heaven's council."

"Can't you just go for me?" Veena had asked, but Kazuma gave her a look that brooked no argument, and the strongest god of war capitulated defeat.

Now they file into the conference room, somber and silent as Kagutsuchi fiddles with a screen projector and the Greco-Roman gods of Olympus phone in. Like the Near Shore, there are time zone differences between Japan's Far Shore and the confines of Mount Olympus, and Kazuma watches with growing bemusement as Takemikazuchi yells in broken Latin at a half-asleep Ares through the screen of his laptop (he shouldn't be laughing, however: Veena is hardly better, and though she is fluent in the languages of the Indian subcontinent, her Italian waffles somewhere between barely understandable and abysmal.)

There is a long oval table in the center of the meeting room; the gods sit spaced almost evenly apart, speaking quietly about budgetary concerns and the steady decline of believers, while their exemplars sit beside them, listening quietly and taking notes. The first hour is bearable; the second hour just slightly less so. But then they elect to skip the mid-day break and Kazuma finds himself sighing quietly, shifting his weight from one leg to the other and adjusting his position in his chair. He looks over to Veena, who catches his eye. She smiles at him as Fukurokuju drones on uselessly.

"...and of course our growth in popularity must come from partnerships with other gods, and Lord Hephaestus from Olympus has graciously agreed to help with our outreach efforts..."

Veena writes on her notepad.

 _This is boring_.

Her eyes track toward his. He gives her a short nod.

 _Can we leave?_

Kazuma shakes his head, imperceptibly. She sighs then writes on the paper.

 _Jurojin fell asleep_.

Kazuma glances over at the older god, whose head has started to nod forward. Kazuma shakes his head, smiling. He nudges the back of her leg with his foot, a gentle reminder for her to pay attention.

The meeting continues, this time talking about the various action items that need board approval. Another half-hour passes without incident; Kazuma glances back at Takemikazuchi and Kiun and stifles a laugh: Takemikazuchi's arms are crossed and his face is pinched, and Kiun is furtively playing a mobile game on his phone.

Veena doodles on the margins of her notepad. She draws tiny flowers and a frowny face, and what starts out as a top-hat quickly devolves into something relatively more phallic:

Veena is doodling a penis.

Kazuma blinks, catching himself. It is definitely a penis - droopy but erect, like a melting upward arrow, the humps of the scrotum drawn like two hunching shoulders. It's hard not to outright stare at Veena's paper and as her exemplar he's tempted to take her pen and gently add to her doodle so that the penis is more anatomically correct. He doesn't, though: Kazuma at the very least has a sense of decorum.

"Oh! I have a question!" Yato says. He is the only war god in this meeting who is actively paying attention. The moderator frowns.

"Yatogami, while we appreciate your insights into this matter, your suggestion is off-topic for today's agenda. We will discuss it further at the next meeting."

"HAH? The heck are you talkin' about, I have tons of great ideas! Dontcha know how long I've been a god?!"

Veena's penis is becoming more elaborate. It is wearing a yukata and a little cap. It is a dapper little gentleman, apparently. He watches her draw a frowny face on its head, then teardrops of semen leaking from the scrunched-up eye.

Veena sees him staring at her paper and grins. She writes on the margins.

 _He's sad because this meeting is boring_.

Kazuma bites back a laugh. He writes on his notepad.

 _I can't believe you're drawing a crying penis_ , he writes. Veena's eyes widen.

 _That is NOT a penis! That is LORD JORUJIN!_

She underlines the name for emphasis. Kazuma throws a horrified glance at Lord Jorujin, who as it turns out, looks very much like a half-erect penis. Kazuma squeaks, trying not to laugh.

"Kazuma-kun?" The other gods look up at him. "Kazuma-kun, do you have anything to add?" Kazuma clears his throat, loudly.

"Not at this juncture, unfortunately," Kazuma says. Veena giggles.

The meeting drones on. Kazuma leans forward on his arms and tries to focus on the number of items left on the agenda, while Veena frowns and shifts her weight beside him.

She stands suddenly. Kazuma throws her a bewildered glance and stands up behind her, scooting around the chairs and following her out into the hall.

"Veena. Where are you going?" Kazuma says. His voice is a strained whisper as he follows her. "Veena, _Veena_."

Veena glances around the hallway then grabs Kazuma by the arm.

"Veena?"

"Let's skip, Kazuma." She speaks in an excited whisper.

"What?" Kazuma whispers. Veena is already striding out in front of him.

"This meeting has no relevance to my godhood anyway," Veena whispers.

"Veena! You cannot skip this meeting. That is highly unprofessional, not to mention-" he lowers his voice, realizing he's not so much whispering as he is yelling, "not to mention even Yato was paying more attention than you."

("WAAAH! I have another suggestion!" Yato says.

"Yatogami, we appreciate your input, but we need to focus our discussions on the items on our agenda."

"But pop idol groups are TOTALLY a great way of increasing our believers!"

Yukine slaps his forehead.)

Veena grins and skips ahead of him.

"We better not get caught, Kazuma," Veena says, grinning at him, "because if we do, I'm blaming it on you."

xXx

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"Isn't it interesting, Kazuma? How the other gods of the world don't have shinki? I can scarcely imagine it. I don't know what I'd do without you."

They're sitting in a booth at the Olive Ken, Veena doodling on a napkin while Kazuma looks over a menu. The tone is warm but Kazuma knows the 'you' is plural, not singular. "It is a consequence of how they're worshiped," Kazuma says. "Neither of those gods have true believers, and yet they still exist because of the popularity of their myths."

"Hm, indeed. And yet those myths seem to be nothing more than a collection of salacious rumors. Can you imagine, Kazuma? Being known only for the number of mortals you bed?"

"Well as you know, those things tend to be exaggerated." Kazuma glances at Veena, frowning. "Is that another portrait, or a penis?" He's looking at Veena's napkin.

"Penis," Veena says, proudly. She slides the napkin across the table and Kazuma takes it to check for anatomic accuracy.

"Not bad," Kazuma says, and he slides the napkin back to her.

xXx

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4.

They were supposed to meet Ookuninushi at his new branch shrine in Hawaii. _Supposed_ to, except that Veena wanted to take human transportation, she had never before rode on a plane.

"The things humans can do are limitless!" Veena says. She peers excitedly through the oval window.

The flight is uneventful. Kazuma flips through a magazine while Veena passes out against the window, her head in a cramped position wedged between a neck pillow and the wall. Kazuma is in the middle seat, next to an American who is flabbergasted when he finds out Kazuma is not American. "You don't have an accent!" the American says.

"Oh. Well I've studied English for many years."

"My Kazuma knows all the languages." Veena rouses, speaking in heavily accented English and pouring herself against Kazuma's shoulder.

"Oh? How many languages do you speak?"

Too many to count, Kazuma thinks, and honestly he's so fluent in all of them he just switches languages automatically. Beside him, Veena beams at him proudly.

"That American was nice," Veena says in Japanese, as Kazuma waits by the luggage carousel for their baggage. "I wonder if he knows his tattoo doesn't actually mean anything?" (The American had seen Kazuma's mark on his hand, and had nattered excitedly about the Chinese tattoo he got on his shoulder.)

"Oh, well it is a bit of trend. Much like how we use English words without knowing their meaning." Kazuma thinks of Veena's "Bitch" shirt and cringes internally.

The bags rotate slowly, falling like oversized bricks onto the conveyor belt. Kazuma glances around, frowning. "Veena I don't think they have our bag."

"Oh?" Veena frowns. "You can't locate it, Kazuma?"

Kazuma does a quick mental sweep of the airport, his eye glinting as he searches. "Forgive me, Veena," Kazuma says, deflating. "I should have paid better attention. I should have realized earlier that they had lost our bag."

He is upset at himself. Such a small detail, and yet he let it slip from his attention. _This is why I'm a piece of trash_ , he thinks, and Veena frowns, evidently sensing his frustration.

"It is all right," Veena says, kindly. "It's only a few clothes."

He quickly gets a hold of himself, lest his emotions start affecting Veena. "I'm sorry," Kazuma says again, but Veena shakes her head.

"Don't be."

She says it as a kindness. Veena may be a war god, but she's always been a god of forgiveness. He pulls their carry-on bag while Veena holds his arm and leans against him, and that shameless, traitorous part of himself realizes that they look like a couple, any ordinary couple, who are vacationing or even honeymooning in Hawaii. As if reading his thoughts, Veena smiles and clasps his hand, and Kazuma forces his eyes down, smiling shyly and blushing deeply beneath the bright lights of the terminal.

This is the side of his goddess that nobody seems to know about. On the surface, the war god Bishamonten is cold, aloof, and stoic, a fierce and powerful diety who could tear heaven and earth asunder. Only she could take on the entire heaven's army and emerge from it virtually unscratched.

And yet.

And yet...she has a weakness for soft things. He's seen her cuddle and hug Ookinushi's rabbit far longer than what is considered appropriate, and he's watched her play with her shinki children, sitting with them in the fields behind their manor and letting them braid flowers into her hair. They say the gods possessed two souls, the soft nigimitama and the hard aramitama, and while the god Bishamonten's nature geared her toward the hard side, Kazuma has seen firsthand her kindness. She was kind to him, even though he was just a little nail.

xXx

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There is only one king-sized bed in the middle of their hotel room. Kazuma stares, goggle-eyed and blushing furiously, while Veena strides nonplussed to the center of the room.

"It's big enough for both of us," Veena says. She falls backward into the mattress, sprawling luxuriously with her arms splayed out on either side. "Feel this mattress, Kazuma. It feels nice and firm."

"Yes, hello," Kazuma says on the phone in English. "I'd like to call about switching our rooms."

Behind him, Veena props herself up on her elbows, frowning a little as she listens in on the conversation.

"No. No I wanted the executive suite. My wife and I need two beds..."

Kazuma stops. Kami-sama. Kami-san. _Wife_. He had been speaking in English and the translation was instantaneous. "Er," Kazuma says, turning to look at Veena. "Actually, the king-sized bed will do."

He hangs up the phone and looks sheepishly at Veena.

"I suppose you can call my name and set me on the nightstand," Kazuma says. Veena shakes her head and chuckles fondly at him.

In truth, they have shared a bed many times. He slept beside Veena after the massacre of the Ma clan, shared a pallet with her when they started naming the Ha clan, and after the mess of his exile, spent the next few weeks recuperating cuddled gratefully beside her. He's let her nap on his lap more times than he can count, and sometimes when they are alone he finds himself drifting towards her body until they are leaning against one another, centuries of trust and muscle memory distilled into a single gesture.

But sometimes, such as this time, Kazuma is acutely aware of the possibility of their bodies pressing against each other, and thinks to himself that he's too shaken and embarrassed right now to fight those particular urges.

"Kazuma," Veena calls out. She's burrowed in a funnel of pillows and sheets, lying in the middle of the bed. "Kazuma, this feels amazing, come here."

"I don't think that would be a good idea," Kazuma says.

"Oh? Why?" She rolls onto her stomach to look at him, and Kazuma flushes despite himself.

"Because I accidentally called you my wife in English," Kazuma says.

"What's wrong with that?" Veena asks. She reaches an arm out and he sits gingerly next to her, Veena shifting and pulling herself onto his lap. Automatically he starts gently combing his fingers through her scalp, and the action soothes him, relishing the feel of Veena's weight on his lap.

"Ah, well, 'wife' and 'marriage' have many different connotations. And we do not have that kind of relationship."

"A human pair-bond," Veena says, remembering Kazuma's teachings. "But you help me raise my shinki."

"Yes," Kazuma says, smiling at her. She smiles at him and their eyes catch, and there's this strange energy between them, the nearness of Veena's face and her body settled on top of his.

"Um, Veena, I think we should probably-"

"Okay," Veena says, moving off him. Long ago Kazuma had shame-facedly explained the effects of human arousal, and Veena as a consequence was careful not to provoke him. Veena was a strong and powerful war god, but in many ways she was still very innocent; she has offered her body to him before, but Kazuma refused to take advantage. "Do you want me to call your name?"

"If you don't mind," Kazuma says, blushing. Veena smiles.

"Very well. _Chouki_."

The name dings, and after a flash of light he slips into her ear.

She makes a little bed for him on the nightstand, taking a few tissues and setting the earring gently on top. Kazuma sleeps, the diamond of his earring form dimming quietly, while Veena showers and pads around the room.

xXx

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It is always a strange feeling, sleeping while in vessel form. Unlike when he is a human, his mind is always dimly active when he's her earring, the power of Veena's life force keeping on that searchlight awareness. So when Veena starts rummaging through their carry-on, the jewel glints a little; and when she starts pulling on one of Kazuma's shirts the jewel brightens like a flashlight on the nightstand.

 _"Veena?"_

"Oh, Kazuma. I hope you don't mind, I'm borrowing one of your shirts."

That made sense. They lost their luggage, Kazuma is in his earring form and Veena has nothing to sleep in. The jewel starts to dim a little, then snaps back to attention:

 _"V-Veena?!"_

"Hm?" Veena turns, and Kazuma can see how the shirt she's wearing is loose around the shoulders and almost goes down to her knees. In the white of Veena's mindscape, Kazuma blushes furiously.

"Kazuma, what's wrong?"

 _"I just..."_ The shirt is too big for her, _his_ shirt is too big for her. His shirt is two sizes too big and this is exactly what she would do if they had just slept together, and her body is small and even though she's a war god she's smaller than him, and...

 _"Will you call my name?!"_

"What?"

" _Veena! Please! I'm processing too much information and I need you to call my name!"_

He zaps back onto the bed and he leaps up to a stand, rushing to the bathroom.

"Is something wrong?" Her wet hair is in a damp braid which falls along the slope of her shoulder.

Kazuma splashes water on his face, chanting silently.

There is nothing wrong with feeling lust for your master. This is a human response. Veena is a beautiful goddess and he is a human with base human needs. It's all in how you respond to it. There is nothing wrong.

"I don't understand why we can't just have sex," Veena says. She lies on the bed, his shirt riding up the creamy skin of her thighs. "Kazuma. We've gone through this for centuries. I told you already I wouldn't mind."

He turns off the tap. He stares at his face in the mirror. "I'm sorry, Veena, but we can't. You don't understand these things and I don't want to take advantage of you."

Her voice carries from the bedroom. "Well you know I am interested in experiencing sex at least once."

"But to me, it would mean more than that, and I'm afraid that I might hurt you."

He stands at the bathroom door, holding his arm. He knows she doesn't understand what she's asking of him. She is a god; she could never truly love him.

"Very well," Veena says finally. She rolls onto her back. "You are the only person I would trust to try it with, you know."

"I know," he says, quietly. He does.

He sits quietly on the bed, and Veena turns and pulls herself next to him. It's safer this time, the danger of the moment already passed, and Kazuma is able to climb beneath the covers and lie next to her. Veena turns and curls her body next to him, and Kazuma takes his glasses off and sets them on the nightstand.

They sleep together like this, Kazuma's arms around Veena as she tucks her face into his shoulder.


End file.
